It’s not often that I buy the Evening Standard, it has to be said. However I did get a copy last week because they were running an article on the 34 Broadway Market occupation. Which wasn’t actually too bad for them – “MILLIONAIRE KEPT AT BAY BY BACON BUTTIE BARRICADES” is pretty class as headlines go.

My cursory look through ES Magazine revealed the usual bile-inducing profiles of dead-eyed rich girls and a load of colour photos of other things I’m not very interested in.

An article entitled “JINGLE BELLES… Annie Deakin asks the experts how to prepare for a party” inexplicably caught my eye. Frankly, dear reader, my usual preparations for a party are as follows:

1) Change.
2) Put on big bastard coat, scarf, hat and gloves.
3) Take off gloves because I can’t actually do very much with them on.
4) Ensure wallet has sufficient funds for vast quantities of beer.
5) Choose CD for walkman.
6) Go out.

But apparently these things are more involved for some people. Most of those interviewed in the article were models who banged on about how wearing expensive clothes and perfume made them feel good. Which no doubt is true (that and the media coverage, sycophants, cocaine and vast income). But I was particularly struck by this contribution:

So there you are. It’s not enough to wear dresses that cost a grand a throw, you have to leave off the mince pies and develop the “healthy glow” of a concentration camp prisoner to really make an impact at those office parties.

Back in the real world, Martin has not one, but two essential posts telling YOU what will be hot at all the top society parties this festive season!

Don’t miss out on his magnificent MUST HAVES – or his tips on what all the London’s top models are getting up to on the way home from their festive charity cocktail galas in Kensington.