xmas present suggestion for the ecowarrior in YOUR family

The new “activist” cosmetics range from The Body Shop.

I’ve not been able to find out whether it is actually made from or smells like activists, or whether it will engender greater activism in users.

It definitely needs a snappy slogan though –

“Turn Your Desires Into Reality – Because You’re Worth It!”

“Smash The State: Smell Great!”

Please add your suggestions below, the best entry will win a night out with Anita Roddick.

23 Comments

  1. er… “Soap on a Noose”….?

    “Remember: they’re the dirty scum, not you!”

    “Smell like Roses – without joining New Labour!”

    “How much longer must we put up with this whitewash!?”

    “Soapium for the People!” (sorry, Ade!)

    “Don’t be a musty crusty!”

    “As the Odour of Democracy starts to Fade…”

    “I gotta a New Rose – I got it good!”

    “Cleanliness in The UK – It’s coming some time! May-be.”

    Sorry, these are sooo poor; recovering from flu. Nah, fuck it, they’re just not funny….

    Great comp, tho.

  2. Anita Roddick’s daughter’s into bondage, apparently, presumably using vines.

    Sorry, that’s just a bit of libel, not a soap quip entry

  3. New Age, vine-based bondage: you read it here first, folks.

    What next: Fig-Leaf lingerie…Gaia condoms….organically-produced, fair-trade sex-aids…specially-flavoured, lick-it-off woad

    Expect a full post on this from Martin by tea-time!

  4. No honestly, I definitely remember a broadsheet article about Anita Roddick taking her lookalike daughter to a sex shop, Y’KNOW, we’re so liberated man, handcuffs and organic hot dripping wax and all that other boring shit that made real perverts get into accounting and blogging and whatever.

    ‘Lick it off woad’ is the scariest thing I’ve read all year, well done!

  5. “Now, the former Eurythmic Dave Stewart is hosting a private reception to mark the opening of Coco de Mer”

    Can ‘kinky sex’ get any sadder?

  6. Sorry, I just feel the urge to write an impromptu song about Anita Roddick

    SAM AND ANITA
    YOU FUCKING HIPPIE DRIPS
    WE’D LOVE TO PULP YOUR BODIES UP
    TO MAKE ORGANIC DIPS

    YOU CARE ABOUT THE ANIMALS
    YOU SAY LET’S SAVE THE WHALE
    BUT WHEN WE FIND SOME BAMBOO STICKS
    IT’S YOU TWO WE’LL IMPALE

    YOU DON’T ALLOW UNIONS
    YOU PONCE OFF THIRD WORLD POOR
    WE’D LOVE TO LET SOME RABID DOGS
    RUN RIOT IN YOUR STORE

    YOUR MOTHER SELLS ECO-TRASH
    AND YOU SELL KINKY SEX
    WE’LL HANG YOU CRYPTO-NAZIS
    BY YOUR CITRUS-SCENTED NECKS

    SMASH UP EVERY BODY SHOP
    SMASH EVERY HEALING PRISM
    IT’S TIME TO BURN THE COMPOST HEAP
    OF CARING CAPITALISM!

  7. They seem to scan if you try them over “I Run Rap” by Kool Keith…(tries experiment)….in fact, they seem to scan with pretty much everything Keith’s ever done…in fact, Martin’s neo-brutalist inversion of New Age imagery perfectly matches the brooding Serial Killer/Cannibal/Sex Criminal Rap lyrical tone of Keith’s “First Come, First Served” LP….maybe he should call it “I Run Soap”…

    Haven’t tried them w/ any Danny Weed or Black Ops productions yet….

    “So kek – dinner with Anita, or her daughter?” Unfortunately, John, at my advancing years, the mothers have started to look more attractive than the daughters….

    Thanks for the offer, but, unfortunately, there’s no way I could ever dine out with an enemy of the people….but I’ll be happy to engage in some sort of Planned Dadaist Action Event that, er, involved going to the pub first.

  8. S’alright komrade kek – you’ve passed the loyalty test and can now join the kadre.

    Just leave a dubplate of yourself over kook keith at the dead letter box…

  9. “My God. S-so the whole thing was just a set-up….Anita Roddick doesn’t even exist…

    Well, that competition certainly did the trick, John….you’ve cleared me inner-psyche of 4 decades worth of Kapitalist Programming in 24 hours. It was cheaper and a lot less irritating than Scientology…but now I finally understand the true magic of xmas…” (cnt page 94)

    Respk’ to Martin for pullin’ them lyrics out of a hat in 2 seconds flat….he really should be fronting or writing lyrics for something like a UK version of Golgol Bordello that fuses Punk, Bashment and Power Electronics w/…Jeez, I dunno….

  10. Yeah I keep daydreaming about doing a spoof punk band 7″ with Martin’s lyrics and a completely over the top ranty fold out sleeve 😀

  11. As long as you realise I’ve got the musical talent of a half-brick, and can’t sing in front of people without laughing, I say we do it. You can handle all the serious stuff, I’ll plan the lurid vinyl design

  12. Martin’s lyrics v v good.

    Activist, BTW, is not a new Body Shop range. I’ve used it for years and the shower gel in particular is my favourite Body Shop tackle.

    It’s quite expensive so I usually buy it on expenses on my trips to London Village.

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