on being less of a wanker

portrait of the author as an intense young man, with thanks to Leo Baxendale
portrait of the author as an intense young man

Somebody with a dysfunctional email address writes:

What happened to you John? You used to be so vitriolic and teacher like. Now you’re all fluffy. Did having a kid make you less of a wanker? Good on you if did. I remember you being a full on immoral Whitehouse freak who thought that if you didn’t produce you weren’t a person. You came across as a product of a strict protestant work ethic based family.

Mark [surname I don’t recognise deleted]

Thanks Mark!


  1. why do people expect you not to grow & evolve.i’m just a different sort of wanker these days…

  2. I thought he was going to be a really transgressive wanker, but then all he did was spit some beer at me and say a rude word. Very disappointing!

  3. He’s like a cross between ‘Blakey’ and Brian Sewell NOW, so God knows what he was like in the old days…

  4. when i first met john he had a massive crass logo tattoed on to his neck – i see he’s apparently lost that now, so maybe that goes hand in hand with his whole evolution of anarcho-syndicalist bovver boy to considered literary blogger!

  5. Reverend John Eden has a message for today’s youth – a message he has been spreading over the Internet and in a series of independently published tracts.

    “I understand what these kids are going through,” the 43-year old ex-drug taker explains. “I once went off the rails – but thanks to the power and forgiveness of Almighty God, I luckily found my way back.

    The vicar, who claims “the Church of England needn’t be ‘square'”, claims his youth was blighted by the influence of occult bands, like Current 93 – one of the UK’s leading satanic shock rock groups.

    At one point, Eden found himself engaging in disgusting rituals involving nudity and drug consumption.

    “But it’s important to remember that the Lord always keeps an open door,” says Eden. “I’m not bitter about my past – I still say a prayer for people like William Bennett and Boyd Rice, that, one day, they may come to know and benefit from God’s love.”

    As for his family, the vicar mumbles into his spooky grey shirt, “They were surprised at first, but they’ve become used to it – and I must say, it’s a happier home without the devil’s paraphenalia stinking out my cupboards.”

  6. Actually:

    “I remember you being a full on immoral Whitehouse freak who thought that if you didn’t produce you weren’t a person.”

    I think it was more that if you didn’t DO something, then you weren’t pulling your weight. Fucking right.

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