Diseases

All this bollocks yesterday from the minister for international development about how “Reggae stars ‘fuel spread of HIV'” is more than adequately dealt with by my old mucker here:

Letter in the Guardian 23rd November 2004 from Stuart Borthwick

and also by Human Rights Watch’s recent report Hated To Death: Homophobia, Violence and Jamaica’s HIV/AIDS Epidemic. Which states that, y’know, the fact that homosexuality has been illegal since before Sizzla was born, that police brutality against those suspected of living with the virus is normal, that there is inadequate healthcare, etc. may have a larger bearing on the issue than some song lyrics.

But, you know that already, innit?

So in typical tabloid fashion, we’ll just look at some records instead. I find the way that reggae deals with sexual health and deviance to be interesting and more complicated than it’s normally portrayed. I mean obviously there are a host of worthy records from people like Lady Saw and Buju Banton to point at which argue strongly for sexual empowerment and sexual health and this alone suggests that once again ministers who talk about popular culture are likely to talk out of their arses…

But what about the mad shit, eh?

King Kong - AIDS 7

King Kong – AIDS (Gussie P, 1992)

I have to say, I don’t play this one very much, but I’m still glad I picked it up for 50p from an old geezer selling it on the pavement in Brick Lane.

King Kong is I think best known for his late 80s work with Jammys (Trouble Again, Legal We Legal) and King Tubby (Babylon, and Two Big Bull with Anthony Red Rose). AIDS is a reversion of another Tubby’s hit. I’ve not heard the original, but this time around it’s over a blistering reworking of the Tempo riddim done by Tottenham’s Mafia & Fluxy.

Lyrically, it’s ominous, apocalyptic, imminent. Harsh from the opening line:

“Call Mr Martin – A billion coffin”

The chorus hammers it all home:

“When AIDS take you, lord a god
Nobody can help you”

And frankly, if you’re like me, you know what’s coming next and prepare to wince:

“Can’t say Jah never did a warn you
It’s written in the Holy Bible”

But the expected homophobic onslaught doesn’t really appear. Instead the biblical passages under review are the ones from Revelations (and not the usual Leviticus):

“When the time is coming to an end
One third of mankind a gonna go
by suffering and by plague”

So, it’s judgement, but on the whole of the population. Which ain’t great, but there is no mention on this record of bunning the battyman because of scripture…

Instead there is some garbled stuff in the middle about how it “lick down Freddy Mercury” and how gay people are going to end up like Rock Hudson if they don’t change their ways – which is open to interpretation, especially in the light of one of the final verses:

“Please please don’t get vex
I’m telling you my brothers – safe sex
Please please don’t get vex
I’m telling you my sisters – safe sex
Please remember when you kiss and caress
I don’t want to see a little life upset”

Of course, lyrics about a vengeful god smiting people with plagues etc is probably as old as the Bible (or in fact, the books which make up the Old Testament), but I’m sure Mr Kong drew inspiration heavily from:

Papa Michigan & General Smiley – Diseases (Greensleeves, 1981)

Some hugely bouncy early dancehall, combination style. The somewhat extreme lyrics are completely negated by the delivery which seems jaunty and amiable to the point of tongue in cheek to me. But maybe I just let people off too often for the sake of a good tune…

“Every day the girls dress up in the trousers
What happened to the skirts and blouses?
Why can’t I-man see you in your dresses?
Cos these things unto Jah is not pleases”

[…]

“Mind Jah Jah lick you with diseases
The most dangerous diseases
I talking like the elephantisis
The other one is the polomylitis
Arthritis and the one diabetes”

I mean… really?

Pad Anthony - Middle Leg 12 inch

Pad Anthony – Middle Foot(Jammys)

I am a massive fan of Mr Anthony’s “Champion Bubbler/See Them A Come” 12″ on Greensleeves. This isn’t nearly as good, frankly. But it does feature him going to a dance, meeting a girl with an improbable, yet cunningly rhyme-friendly, name. Making love til the early morn, you know the koo.

And yet, behind this common tale of hedonism and simple pleasures lies a painful reality. A couple of days later, Pad, finds that”strange things” are happening to him:

“Check me out nurse –
Nurse me a beg you
Fi check out mi middle foot”

Seems he’s come down with the clap, but is terrified of the injection the doctor recommended, so is begging for some pills instead.

It’s not all macho bragging you know!

This does however highlight one theme in this whole dancehall pathology thang – the final recommendation is not to go off with women who are strangers, which isn’t really bad advice, but seems to highlight the common idea that women cannot be trusted and are quite possibly vessels for disease. This is palpable nonsense, but perhaps the sort of way in which these issues get aired by conspicuously hetero males in conspicuously patriarchal cultures.

I dunno when this came out, but would guess late 80s, so obviously he should be telling people he’ll always use a condom again. Although use of condoms is something which there is huge resistance to in many countries which are plagued with AIDS, not just those which happen to be the home of certain reggae artists, so I dunno. Round and round we go….

Bunny General - Donkey Man 7 inch

Bunny General – Donkey Man (Waterhouse, 1988)

And so we finish not on the sublime, but the ridiculous. This isn’t about sexual health, per se, but I’m chucking it in here because it’s nearly related and you’ve come to expect tangents, yes?

Another seven from the Danny stash, which has fuelled many a blog entry and many a late night discussion round mine.

I’ll be quite open about this, I’ve heard this record loads of times now and I’m still not entirely clear what the fuck it’s about. This is partly because of the patois, and partly because the rapid fire vocals, but it’s also partly because it’s just completely mental.

Ok, here we go:

“No Donkey Man, Me Don’t Like Donkey Man!”

Geezer wakes up the morning and sees a woman named Shirley go by with a shapely behind. In true porn film style they then begin to get down to it, but are rudely interrupted by a braying donkey. Geezer looks up:

“Me see a youthman – behind a donkey”

For reasons which it will take a better man than me (or anyone I know who has heard this tune) to fathom, the song then goes into a bezerker version of the chorus of “My Girl Lollipop”.

It continues in similar style, with Millie Small’s finest leaping in when you least expect it. The closing lines give the game away:

“No rape the donkey, don’t rape the donkey”

To be honest, if I was Pressure Sounds, this would have been track 1 side 1 of their King Tubby’s digital compilation Firehouse Revolution but for some reason they didn’t even include it on there. Pah! I suppose there is a whole academic decontruction paper here, but my guess is that the “girl lollipop” bits are him trying to take his mind off the guy with the donkey and continue his business with Shirley.

Having said that it’s also entirely possible I’ve misheard the whole thing and it will turn out to be some well known anecdote about JA donkey keepers being disreputable in some other way.

“There’s a Dr Freud on the phone for you, John..”

scatology 3

Coil - Scatology LP cover

John Balance & Sleazy Christopherson circa Scatology

I think the first Coil track I heard must have been “The Wheel” on the crucial Some Bizzare compilation “If you can’t please yourself, you can’t please your soul.” It was amazing – electro pop gone badly “wrong”. The inner sleeve of the album had photos of the album covers of the Some Bizzare roster which became my first serious trainspotter wants list (and I never did get a copy of that Renaldo and the Loaf LP…)

Weirdly, the 1st Coil LP “Scatology” showed up in my local library shortly afterwards. I caned it on my crappy plastic “music centre” and pored over the all too exhaustive sleeve notes. Classic corruption and subversion – what was a 17 year old doing checking out little pieces about fetish magazines, alchemy, and nodding his head to tracks like “Cathedral In Flames.”? John Balance’s mania on tracks like “Panic” were a shot in the arm… another doorway opened.

Appropriately enough, the chronology is a bit blurry… “Horse Rotorvator” came out around the same time. I went down to Rough Trade in Ladbroke Grove to pick it up and at some point got hold of an autographed 12″ of “Anal Staircase” there as well.

“Rotorvator” blew me away – the same manic vocals, twinned with some more relaxed stuff – strings, sound effects from the bowels of the earth… perfect. “Ostia” was my favourite song for years and years and will probably always be in the top ten.

And of course you could write off and get… stuff. More raised eyebrows from my Mum when I got back from school. Balance would even write little notes on the back of the newsletters or answer questions. You’d get little stickers, newsletters, beautifully produced flyers for zines like Kaos, or the R&D Group’s Coil Booklet. Now the doors which were opening were more like a long corridor… a bit like the hotel in the Shining.

The newsletters had the obsessional quality which was really attractive – lots of ideas being played out, projects which you hoped would come to fruition that never did… hints at limited pressings, live appearances, books to check out.

When “Gold is the Metal” came out in the same week as “Hairway to Steven” by the Butthole Surfers, I was so urgently in need of hearing them that I bunked off college (where I was retaking my A levels, partly because I’d chosen subjects I was crap at originally and partly because I was spending all my time listening to Coil records instead of revising!) to head down to Rough Trade once more.

I had to have that clear vinyl pressing, goddamnit! I think Paul trumped me there by getting the 55 only edition, but I didn’t know him then – and had no idea who these mystery people were who could spend a hundred quid on an album…

By the time “Love’s Secret Domain” came out I’d been in London for a few years. Psychic TV had released about 6 billion albums in the time that Coil had released none, which I think outlines their approaches pretty well (and I think both are valid). I was in regular contact with Justin Mitchell of Cold Spring records who was having a pop at journalism on the side and had blagged an interview, with Coil, at their house.

Scatologically speaking, we were both cacking ourselves. But it turned out alright. They indulged us. Balance was lovely, trying to answer even my most retarded, fumbling questions.

“The Dark Age of Love” – the ‘twin’ album with LSD came out I guess a year or so after. I got sucked into dance music and other stuff after that – Coil splintered into what seemed like a million different projects which I kept meaning to check out but never did.

I bumped into Balance a few times after that but we never really spoke. Everyone raved about the gigs they did in 2002 and like an idiot I never went. So seeing them at Ocean recently was a blast, all sorts of things from my past coming back, a chance to reflect and to enjoy Coil being Coil in public.

I never really knew John Balance, but I know he did things that will stay with me forever.

scatology 2

“I come with that ol’ loco
Style from my vocal
Couldn’t peep it with a pair of bifocals
I’m no joker.
Play me as a joker.
Be on you like a house on fire.
Smoke ya.”

“I’m Doo Doo Brown! (beitch) Hehahahaha
Tossed salad, oh you in some shit now
Callin me a dog, well leave a dog alone
Cuz nothin can stop me from buryin my bones
in the backyard, of someone else’s house
Ol’ Dirt Dog, but I’m not +Dogged Out+
Here comes Rover, sniffin at your ass
Pardon me bitch, as I shit on your grass
That means hoe, you been shit-ted on!
I’m not the first dog that’s shitted on your lawn.”

“Now all and together now, to what what who?
Rhymes come stinky like a girl’s poo-poo”

– Ol’ Dirty Bastard AKA Dirt McGirt AKA Dirt Dog

let’s take it to the stage!

10 Reggae Artists who should also have their own West End musicals:

1) Cutty Ranks – mad, whirling dancers with meat cleavers all singing “The Stopper”.

2) Augustus Pablo – with no words, all the script to be done by melodica.

3) Dr Alimentado – will write itself: The Barber as evil guy, a huge 80 foot high chicken, something is wrong with the bread… possible League of Gentlemen crossover?

4) Buccaneer – the story of a simple country boy who comes to the big city and gets messed up with gangsterism… and Opera!

5) Sizzla – a highly conceptual “cycle” of work lasting 78 hours in which our hero battles between spirituality and sexuality, the virtuous and the venal, prophecy amd punany. Will righteousness conquer all? Wagner’s Ring vs Jerry Springer the Musical.

6) Red Rat – a highly conceptual tribute to English farces in which a series of middle class faux pas are played out, with our hero turning up at the end shouting “Ohhhhhhhhhh Nooooooooooo!” in his characteristic way.

7) Yellowman – co-staring a cast of hundreds of yellow superstars including The Simpsons, Snoopy’s mate Woodstock, and Spongebob Squarepants. Also Winona Ryder & Sean Ryder going through cold turkey. Coming at the end of 2005 and to be titled “A Merry Yellow Christmas”.

8) Elephant Man & Lady Saw – a do-over of Romeo & Juliette except she survives at the end. Ha!

9) T.O.K. vs Ward 21 – stretching the doo-wop harmonies to the max in a version of West Side Story set in downtown Kingston.

10) Shaggy. (actually this is probably already in production)

3 Funerals and a War

Ceremonies yesterday – John Peel, Yasser Arrafat, my grandad.

Obviously the first two speak louder, to more people. But not to me.

It’s not like we were close or anything but my grandad was certainly someone who could see the good in everything. He had that twinkle in his eye, and kept himself to himself. That’s not a bad legacy to leave behind. I even mumbled through a hymn in his honour and there aren’t many people I’d do that for.

People were still wearing their poppies at the ceremony, which was a reminder that I never met my other grandad – he died in 2nd World War. I don’t wear a red poppy myself for all the usual reasons – the people that shout the loudest about their importance for learning lessons from the past are exactly the people who would lead us back there. Blair wearing a poppy while shaking hands with Bush…

But my other grandfather’s early death still casts a shadow over my family and I know that must be true of millions of other people. You can’t think ill of people for remembering stuff like that this time of year.