Brixton Cops Ban Bashment & Funky House

"Quick, Sarge! They're having one of them Bashment Parties!"

“We know there are disputes between gangs, and gangs have affiliations to certain promoters and venues,” Sergeant Strange told the South London Press.“We are taking steps to keep warring – and I don’t use the word lightly – factions apart,” he continued, “This has been a problematic club and the main reason is the type of music that is played . . . ‘bashment’. We know it attracts gang members.”

via Brixton Cops Ban ‘Bashment’ & ‘Funky House’.

(via Gabriel Heatwave on twitter)

Let’s rewind that: “the main reason is the type of music that is played”.

Are we back to heavy metal albums forcing innocent kids to shoot themselves in the head? Really? It’s all down to the malevolent influence of the music, is it? So the most effective way of keeping gang violence under control is to control the music? How come that never applies when there’s trouble at football or the opening of an Ikea store? “It’s the mid-price flat pack furniture. We know it attracts knife-wielding headcases on the look out for a bargain.”

The article linked above is mainly about the inconvenience this caused to the goth/fetish club The Torture Garden which was using the same venue.

Which is a slightly odd collision for me – I have an honorary lifetime membership card for the Torture Garden somewhere (though I haven’t used it for about 15 years). Obviously it’s great that fetish clubs are no longer subject to intense police scrutiny, but I think it’s a bit short-sighted not to note the downside of a climate in which an entire musical genre can be criminalised and events banned. First they came for the bashment ravers…

This is simply yet another admission that the police are unable to maintain public order without resorting to blanket censorship and inconveniencing the majority of law-abiding club-goers.

Also this week: London venue Cargo warned off DJs from playing any Grime.

As first reported by Dan Hancox in Woofah issue 2, the Metropolitan Police’s notorious Form 696 has lead to quite a few events being shut down and general harassment of artists and promoters.

10 Comments

  1. Christ. I’d love to be at the briefing where they train the officers to discern whether it’s funky or not.

    Patrolman 1: “Right, so if it goes ‘fump fump fump,’ we go in and bust some heads, yeah?

    Commander: “No, no, no! Remember, decent people listen to house too, so you’ve got to listen for those snares..” ♫ ba-dat-daa… ba-dat-daa… ba-dat-daa… ♫ “Hear that? That soca vibe? That’s your target.”

    Patrolman 2: “What about Villalobos?”

    Commander: “What about him?”

    Patrolman 2: “Is he funky?”

    Commander: “No not all. Next question.”

    Patrolman 3: “What if they’re just playing a bunch of American gear?

    Commander: “Right, this is trickier. If it’s just New York tunes, wait for it to play out. But the moment you hear some Karizma, consider it an escalation. Same with rewinds. Of course, if there are MCs you just shut it down regardless.”

    Patrolman 4: “What about Night Slugs and Hyperdub? Do we go in”

    Commander: “Hold off for now. We’re waiting for Dissensus to decide whether that’s really funky.”

    Patrolman 5: “Are smart trainers OK?”

    Commander: “Depends who’s wearing them.”

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  3. It’s spoiled my month. The idea of John boy listening to 90s techno in leather trousers and paddling some 50-year old Hornchurch mum/librarian, while growling “You’ve been a naughty girl, haven’t you?” makes my…hang on, I feel really sick, need to go the toilet

  4. The fact this blogger (and my ex-Woofah employer, before I was framed in some laserprint-theft scandal that wasn’t me) has written ‘cocks in snow’ on his Twitter feed isn’t helping either…oh God, I’m going to gag again…back in a minute…I need the toilet again)

  5. HOW CAN ANYONE BLAME THE ONE THING THAT EVERY HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET DOES AND THAT IS LISTEN TO MUSIC FOR PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR!!!!! HOW COME THEY DON’T BAN PEOPLE FROM WATCHING TV AND PLAYSTATION OR EVEN XBOX
    BUT YOU CAN CLOSE CLUBS FUCK UP DJ’S AND PROMOTERS LIVES BUT THE SAME TROUBLE MAKERS JUST FIND SOME THING OR SOMEWHERE ELSE TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!
    LIFES A BITCH AINT IT

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